Grief and Insomnia: Finding Rest After the Loss of a Loved One

Grief and insomnia often arrive together. When you lose someone close to you, the nights can become long and restless. They fill with memories, sadness, and an inability to find peace. In fact, insomnia is a common companion of grief, and it can make loss even harder to carry. This guide looks at the link between grief and insomnia and offers a few concrete ways to find more rest.

A Familiar Story

“It’s been a month and a few days since my husband passed. I still can’t sleep in our room and have been sleeping with my daughter. It’s not like I’m afraid of a ghost, but I’m afraid the memories will flood in and I will be depressed. I have been coping okay just because I’ve been keeping myself busy working. I’m also afraid of how I will react when I get into the bed and it’s empty on his side. Maybe I should have gone back to our room right after the service instead of waiting. Now it’s getting harder to go back. I want to go back, but when it’s time to sleep there, I just can’t do it.” — Anonymous

There are many life situations that can prevent sleep: stress at work, stress at home, a new job starting in the morning. Some are minor. Some are heart-wrenching. Losing a spouse or a child is almost impossible to imagine from the outside. For many people, a spouse is the first face they see each morning and the last before they close their eyes at night. That makes an empty side of the bed its own kind of loss.

Sleeplessness is perhaps one of the most frustrating symptoms of grief. When you are already exhausted and still cannot sleep, it adds insult to injury. Insomnia is a common grief reaction, but it should not be ignored. If you have lost a spouse, an empty bed can become a nightly reminder of that loss. In addition, secondary stress, such as lost income, can add to the sleeplessness.

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It was 150/100, this morning it was 110/79

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Coping With Grief and Sleep Loss

It’s common to notice a change in sleep patterns in the days, weeks, and months after a loss.

• Take care of yourself. Grief is hard on your health, so try to eat well, move your body, take any prescribed medicine, and get enough sleep
• Watch habits like drinking too much alcohol or smoking, which put your health at risk on top of everything else
• Talk to caring friends and let them know when you want to talk about the person you lost
• Consider a grief support group; hospitals, religious communities, and local agencies can point you to one
• Avoid major decisions, like moving or changing jobs, right away if you can
• See your doctor if daily tasks like getting dressed or making meals start to feel like too much
• Consider short-term talk therapy with a counselor; there is no reason to face this alone
• Remember that children grieve too, and your relationship with them may shift as the whole family adjusts
• Give it time. Roller-coaster emotions are a normal part of mourning

Tips for Better Sleep While You Grieve

A few specific habits can help alongside everything above.

• Get some exercise. A brisk walk or a hike gets you into daylight, lifts your mood, and helps reset your sleep-wake cycle
• Avoid caffeine and alcohol in the evening. Alcohol can feel like it helps you fall asleep, but research shows it disrupts the second half of the night as your body metabolizes it. Caffeine is sleep’s clear opponent.
• Try massage or acupuncture. Both can help the body relax enough for sleep to follow
• Keep a grief journal. Writing down your thoughts, especially before bed, can clear some of the mental clutter
• Create a sleep sanctuary. Keep the bedroom for sleeping, set the thermostat between 65 and 68 degrees, and clear the clutter
• Build in relaxation before bed, whether that’s a warm bath, a cup of tea, or quiet music

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It was 170/110, this morning it was 120/80

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Talk to the Person You Lost

Whether or not you believe in an afterlife, some people find it helps to talk to the person they lost. Say what’s in your heart instead of holding it in. Grief counselors often describe this as a way to unburden the heart, and it may help with sleep too. If grief is severely disrupting your sleep for weeks at a time, a doctor or grief counselor can help. The National Institute on Aging notes that sleep problems are a normal part of mourning but are still worth addressing with support. A 2020 review of sleep and bereavement research backs this up, finding that sleep disturbances are common after loss and that treating them can ease the broader grief process.

No one can fully understand someone else’s specific loss. What research and grief counselors consistently show is that grief takes a real toll on the mind, body, and sleep, and that most people do find their way through it. This guide is here to help you get a little more rest along the way.

How to Lower Blood Pressure Naturally

Chronic stress and poor sleep, including the kind that comes with grief, affect more than your mood; they can affect blood pressure too. RESPeRATE is an FDA-cleared device that uses guided slow breathing to help lower blood pressure as part of your overall health program. It works alongside your physician-directed treatment plan rather than replacing it, and it can be one small, gentle tool during a hard season.

For more on the sleep-blood pressure connection, browse our Sleep blog collection or our posts tagged insomnia.